You’re Gonna Miss This

So. Life with two kids has been pretty nuts. Life in general has been pretty nuts. (Hence why I am writing this at 11 PM…) We moved into my mom’s house in June right before Olivia was born (THANK YOU, MOM!) because we have been on the lookout for a house in Blue Ash, and were tired of paying rent towards nothing. Well we finally put an offer in on a house in time (24 hours after it being put on the market….) and it was accepted! Let me just say that buying a house requires you to basically chop all your limbs off and give them to the bank for underwriting. Never realized what all goes into it. Holy. But. We are trucking along through the process and I am in love with the house. (Here’s to praying all inspections, appraisals, and everything else I’m unaware of, goes well and we can actually close).

Anyways, living at my mom’s house has been great to help with saving some extra $$, but it has been quite the adjustment for everyone, and especially hard on Ava. Between a new baby she has to share attention with, a new sleeping environment, and just a complete change in routine, she tends to act out pretty badly. She’s also fighting a bad cold which she caught after ONE day of pre-school (awesome) which doesn’t help either. She is too smart for her own good, so when she is bad, she is BAD. And then she cries. Boy does she cry. Pretty bad when your 2 month old sleeps better throughout the night than your 3-year-old… but, we changed everything up on her, and once we get this new house (fingers crossed) we will be doing it again, so I am trying to remind myself that it will take time and we have to be patient with her as she adapts to her new environments.

Now Olivia, my sweet, bright-eyed, little bundle is really and truly a good baby. She is happy. Sometimes I think to myself is she actually being this good?? And never say it out loud because I’m afraid I will jinx myself. Because I’m breastfeeding, sometimes the boob is the only thing that will calm her down. When Kevin gets home from work, I’m ready to run for the hills some days before going insane. He will take her from me and then she cries. And cries. And then cries some more. Then Ava cries. Then I wanna cry. And I take the baby back and she’s happy as a little clam. I know this isn’t Kevin’s fault, but boy is it frustrating for me sometimes. I hate leaving her crying to do things like bathe, eat, ya know basic life necessities, and when I’m in the shower and I can hear her little cry my heart hurts.

I’m writing this because it isn’t always rainbows being a parent. And even though we always have good things to say about our children, it doesn’t mean that life is always easy. BUT, in the midst of one of my breakdowns the other night (Olivia had been cluster feeding for 2 HOURS before finally falling asleep) Kevin looked at me and was like “You’re gonna miss this.” And I was like no way. This is terrible. I can’t do it. Ava’s so bad. But thinking about it, I will miss this. He’s right, they NEED me. Right now, I am Olivia’s only source of nutrition. Right now, Ava whines and cries because she NEEDS me. At the end of the day when I am tired and frustrated and I question how I will get through another day like today, I wake up to a smiley baby, and a toddler who is so excited to see me and I mean really, I will miss that. I saw this on Facebook earlier and I thought it was great….

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I know that I am doing the best that I can everyday. I wouldn’t trade a single thing that I go through with my grumpy toddler, and a clingy little baby. With my supportive husband, and my little girls, my heart is so full, even on my hardest days.

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